But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
