Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
