i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
