FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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