Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
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In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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