Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
