chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
