I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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