nut hugger
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
