You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
