I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
