They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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