You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
