he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
