Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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