ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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