I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
