There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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