Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
