Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
