were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
