i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
