My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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