I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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