what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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