I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
