just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
