You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
