she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
4 words: hood of his car
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
