I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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