if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
