I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
