did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
