he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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