I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
