nutella sex= disaster
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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