And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize