Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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