try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
