So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
