take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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