they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
