I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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