If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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