I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
