Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my sisters under your porch take her home
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
