I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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