Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
