I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
