sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
