you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
