you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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