I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
