Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
