If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Can you bring me the toilet please
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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