you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
