So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
