So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
