Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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