Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
