and you said cock pushups were impossible
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
