Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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