the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
