He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
