next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
