We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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