Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
