I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
