i think my tv is drunk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
