My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
