Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
