he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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