i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
