i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
