How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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