Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
