1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
