Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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