I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
