hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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