i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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