one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
