the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
