Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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