youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
