I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
