Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
