I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
